Marriage Statement

Over my years in ministry, I have gradually developed a wedding policy which I adhere to as a pastor, with the idea of giving couples an opportunity to build a solid foundation for their future marriage. It reads as follows:

• My priority as a pastor is not to perform weddings but to nurture strong marriages. Any number of legal officials can ‘do a wedding’. My concern as a pastor that serves God and represents his church is not that the wedding be beautiful (though we will see to that), but that the marriage begin on a good foundation.

• To this end, I will never perform a ‘shotgun’ wedding. I require for all weddings in which I officiate a 5-month waiting period no matter the circumstances–an unexpected pregnancy, a second marriage, the daughter of the governor comes begging–5 months.

• During these five months, I will meet with the couple for 6-8 sessions where we will work through a prepared curriculum of topics such as the biblical basis of marriage, goals and needs in marriage, expectations, communication skills, conflict resolution and finances.

• During these five months, I expect the couple I’m working with to regularly attend our worship services. Presumably, a couple who desires a ‘church’ wedding wants God to be somewhere in the mix. Our sanctuary is dedicated to the service of Jesus Christ. So I tell couples, “If you want God to honor your wedding, you must honor God”.

• Finally, honoring God with our spirits must be complemented by honoring God with our bodies. Since premarital intercourse and living together before marriage are regarded as sinful in Scripture (for they undermine the preciousness of marriage), I insist that couples I work with uphold these Christian virtues.

Seem tough? I hope not. Less than 5% of couples I have married over the years have seen their marriages break apart. It pays to lay a good foundation.